We open with a flashback from 2003 where 13-year-old Paramilitary Guy finds his father dead in a pool of blood, throat cut, and looks up to see Dean Winchester. They’ve done something to bring back young Dean, and it's not old footage; they de-aged current Dean somehow. It’s almost like they morphed current Dean and young Dean. It’s interesting. Also, the leather jacket and the Samulet! \o/
And now we’re back to Sam, still tied to a chair, and PG, who turns out to be named Cole (yes, I know you all knew that already, but I’m unspoiled and sticking to canon so he’s not Cole to me until I hear it on the show, all right?), still insisting that he tell him where to find Dean. Oh, Cole. You don’t know what you’re dealing with. (Spoiler alert: this will become a theme.) Cole thinks Sam will give up his brother because his brother gave him up, and says “you know your brother gave me the green light to put one between your eyes, right?” At the time, I thought might be the most heartwrenching line of the show. (Spoiler alert: I was so wrong.)
Sam tries to explain that if Dean killed his father, he did it for a reason, and there are monsters out there, real monsters, and of course angry little Cole doesn’t believe him. Who would? And then Cole puts on gloves and gets a hammer and has this really super creepy “I’m gonna enjoy this” look and you know what, Cole? I have no sympathy for you. I feel bad for 13-year-old Cole, but you are the psycho here, buddy. You do not threaten Sammy with a hammer. You hear me?
Cut to Dean, making a stripper uncomfortable and getting in a fight with a bouncer, and like last week we get some nice intercutting between two fights, except this time it’s Demon!Dean beating the crap out of the bouncer and Cole punching Sam and messing with his injured shoulder and Sam refusing to give in and Cole getting ready to smash his kneecap and oh, my god, the cheesiest happy little ringtone you’ve ever heard, as Cole’s wife calls him. So Cole goes off to talk to his wife and kid and whoops, he left his keys – with a pocketknife keychain – in Sam’s reach. Bye bye, Cole. Once again, you don’t know what you’re messing with. Sam leaves his bag behind, though. Hope your demon-killing knife wasn’t in there, Sammy. You know what was in there? Your holy water. Why do I bring this up? No reason.
Okay, guys, I’m going to do you a favor here. I’m going to recap everything you need to know about all the angel drama, so you don’t have to watch it. You’re welcome.
I literally forgot Cas had been stabbed, that’s how much I don’t care (which is sad, because I like Cas, I just can’t get into this story). But Hannah heals him and then decides he’s all kinds of awesome and Sam calls and tells him Dean’s a demon and Cas is surprised and distressed and agrees to meet Sam in Montana and why doesn’t Hannah just zap them there? Why drive? Is it just to keep the pimpmobile? Anyway. There is one very (probably unintentionally) funny moment where Cas is defending the Winchesters and says “they’re my friends,” and Hannah says “I never get tired of looking at them,” and we’re all I know, right? But it turns out Hannah’s talking about stars, not Winchesters. Her loss. Anyway. Cas wrecks the car so they don’t meet Sam in Montana and instead, while Cas is sleeping, Hannah takes the stairway to heaven (at the playground from S9) and starts to make a deal with Metatron to get the remainder of Cas’s grace back, but Cas interrupts and says he’d rather die than have Metatron go free (and it turns out angels can live on other planets?). Metatron points out that Cas will die and he will eventually get out and nyah nyah nyah, I win so I win. And as Cas walks away his expression says son of a bitch, he’s right, so I will eventually make some poorly-thought-out deal with him and it will all blow up in my face and I will surely regret it. And that’s all the angel drama you need. Let’s get back to the real story.
The real story is that Crowley has caught up with Dean, and wants to talk about his future. Dean orders drinks (“He’ll have something fancy with your tiniest umbrella,” hee!!!) and Crowley explains that the Mark changed him (“I’ve noticed,” no no don’t show me the black eyes, aiyeee!!!) and that he’s now addicted to death, like a drug, and Crowley’s here to help him with that. It’s interesting that Crowley says “The question is, do you want to spike a civilian, or someone who has it coming?” The fact that he thinks Dean cares whether or not the victim has it coming means… Dean’s still not 100% demon? He knows there’s still enough Dean in there that it matters to him? Doesn’t it have to be something along those lines? Crowley offers him a victim – a woman who was fooling around on her husband, who sold his soul in order to have her killed. She’s going to die anyway; better a cuckholding wife than an innocent civilian, right? Dean accepts, calling it a “one time only deal,” and before he leaves, Crowley says “there’s something else I need to share with you.” And… I got nothing. What did he share with him?
(Also? When Crowley’s drink arrives? Not only does it have the tiniest umbrella, but it also has a tiny pitchfork. Oh, show. Don’t ever change.)
So Dean goes to this woman’s house, stares creepily at her through a window, prepares to break in, and then sees a car pull up. It’s her husband Lester, who wants to watch. Either because he wants it done right, or just because he wants to watch. Or both. Dean has a wonderful conversation with Lester, dripping with scorn and snark, and decides to kill him instead. And maybe we’re supposed to think there’s still some good in Dean, since he chose to kill Lester instead of his wife (and we were obviously meant to think Lester was a lot worse than his wife), but on the other hand, he was completely willing to kill her, and would have done so if he hadn’t been interrupted. And I don’t know that Dean would have killed Lester if he hadn’t called him a “punk ass demon” who “works for me now” and ordered him to do his job. So I think this is more “you don’t tell me what to do” than “you deserve to die more than she does.” On the other hand, the whole reason he agreed to kill her was because he had to kill somebody, and better her than an innocent civilian. I’m getting mixed signals, honestly.
But I’ll tell you one thing I’m sure of. I’m really starting to love Demon!Dean.
Sam (no, excuse me, Lemmy, heh heh) is seen interviewing the beat-up bouncer from earlier (who looks like someone who’d actually know who Lemmy Kilmister is), and really, Sam, the hair is bad enough, but that truck puts the cherry on top of your “I couldn’t possibly be a real FBI agent” sundae. But the real point of this scene is to show us that angry little Cole is following him. Got something on your shoe, Sammy.
Cut to Crowley, bored out of his mind as a minion discusses how to “strategically calibrate expectations” and god, look at him, he’s adorable.
Bored Crowley is just precious, isn’t he? I love that Crowley is always such a bureaucrat. If this guy had used the phrase “strategically calibrate expectations” with Abaddon, she would have ripped his tongue out. But Crowley’s just, yeah, business. He gets a phone call notifying him that “Sam Winchester is close,” so apparently Cole isn’t the only tracking Sam. And how does Sam know where to find them? I don’t think we saw that. Anyway, Dean shows up and lets him know he killed Lester, not his wife, to which Crowley responds “The deal was one dead wife for one soul. The wife’s not dead, I don’t get the soul. It's math.” Ha ha. Math. Crowley gets mad, Crowley tries to tell Dean what to do, Crowley gets punched. He asks Dean if he’s still feeling human and rages at him to “Pick a bloody side.”
“Or what?” Dean moves in on Crowley in an absolutely wonderful, terrible, threatening kind of way and invites him to “make a move. See how it ends.” He tells him “I ain’t your freakin’ bestie and I ain’t taking orders from you.” (Oooh, did he hear Crowley tell Sam they were BFFs?) And this, this is what I wanted out of Demon!Dean. Watching him push Crowley around is unbearably hot. But he does tell him that when he needs to kill again, he’ll get in touch, and otherwise Crowley should leave him alone. Which strongly suggests that when he needs to kill, Dean wants it to be, again, someone who’s going to die anyway, rather than an innocent bystander. There’s no other reason to involve Crowley. So I’m thinking our Demon!Dean is actually only “mostly demon” (similar to the way The Man in Black was only “mostly dead” in The Princess Bride).
Yeah, I definitely love Demon!Dean.
(Also, I’m annoyed that I saw the perfect portmanteau name for Dean and Crowley over hiatus, and I forgot to use it last week. They are Squirrely. I can’t even tell you how much I love this.)
Crowley catches Sam outside his hotel. “You miss me?” Sam’s voice, when he responds “so much,” is low and soft yet growly and yum. Yummy, I tell you. Maybe the yummiest line I’ll hear tonight. (Spoiler alert: no, it’s not.) Anyway, Crowley is ready to hand Dean over – for a finder’s fee.
And finally, here it is. Sam meets Demon!Dean. You know, there are scenes that I won’t blather on and on about until I’ve seen what everyone else thinks, because if I thought it was amazing and everyone else thought it was stupid, I feel stupid. But guys, I don’t care if you hated this, I really don’t. I’m still going to stand here in front all of you and say it’s one of my favorite scenes on Supernatural. Not just this scene - the last 11 minutes of this episode are priceless as far as I’m concerned.
Dean sits (rather beautifully) at a piano (!), drinking whiskey and cutting his own hand with the Blade. As he watches it heal, he remembers Crowley saying maybe he’s still human and telling him to pick a side. And oh god, there’s Sam. I am so not ready for this. Neither is Sam.
“Who winged you?”
“Does it matter?”
And it doesn’t, it really doesn’t, and that hurts. Sam makes a point of telling him his pal Crowley sold him out – maybe because he really wants him to know Crowley’s not in his corner. Maybe because it really bothers him that much that Crowley was his pal. Either way, Dean doesn’t care, and he stands up with the Blade and Sam immediately gets into a more defensive pose, and I expected something to happen here too, but it doesn’t. Not physically, anyway. Emotionally, on the other hand, Jesus.
“Did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn’t have bailed?”
“That was Crowley.”
“It really wasn’t.” <- Note: Does not even come close to accurately portraying how completely freaking hot this is
“It doesn’t matter, all right? Cause whatever went down, whatever happened, we will fix it.”
“Will we? Cause right now I’m doing all I can not to come over there and rip your throat out. With my teeth. I’m giving you a chance, Sam. You should take it.”
Excuse me. I have to watch that again.
"Cause right now I’m doing all I can not to come over there and rip your throat out. With my teeth." <- Note: Once again, does not even come close to accurately portraying how completely freaking hot this is
Dean says he’s not walking out the door with Sam, and asks if Sam’s going to kill him. Which, of course, he’s not. “Why? You don’t know what I’ve done. I might have it coming.”
Okay, sorry to be repetitive, but so freaking hot. But also. Does Dean really feel he’s done wrong? If he’s just mostly demon, does whatever humanity is left in him think he deserves to be punished? Or is this just him fucking with Sam? Either way, do it some more, please.
Sam tells him he’s his brother, and he’s going to take him home, and Dean laughs. “What is this, a Lifetime movie? With your puppy dog eyes?” Son, do not mock the power of the puppy dog eyes, because they are in full force here and they’re killing me. Through this whole scene, Sam’s face is just killing me dead. Sometimes he’s scared. Sometimes he looks like he’s been punched. Sometimes he does that little can’t-stand-to-look-directly-at-you thing that Dean did with Ezekiel/Gadreel last season (loved it then, love it now).
And then a smoke bomb comes flying through the window and Sam lurches outside and is punched in the face by angry little Cole. Demon!Dean meets Cole! But this can’t possibly be as good as his showdown with Sam, right? (Spoiler alert: yes it can!!!!)
“You’re the guy who’s supposed to put a bullet in Sammy’s brain. Did you miss?” Oh, no, no. That hurts.
Angry little Cole angrily informs Dean that he killed his father, and Dean’s all, yeah, probably, I kill a lot of people. Cole decides shooting Dean isn’t good enough, and tries to kill him with a knife instead (because he’s apparently got this whole creepy hands-on fetish), and Cole, once again, you do not know what you’re dealing with. Even regular Dean could probably beat you in a knife fight. (Not that your gun would have killed him anyway, but still.) Dean beats him and taunts him (“What did you think was gonna happen? You’d just stroll up here and say ‘my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die’ and I’d just roll over?” \o/ \o/) and he’s clearly enjoying this. (Also? Jensen is clearly enjoying it too. And so am I.) Cole finally does figure out what he’s dealing with when he slices Dean’s face and watches it heal. Oh, look who believes monsters are real now.
He tells Dean to go ahead and kill him, but Dean doesn’t, and then, look! Sam must have stuck that flask of holy water in his pocket before he snuck out of angry little Cole’s hideaway, because he throws it on Dean and uses it as a distraction to slap the MoL handcuffs on him. I guess those weren’t in the bag either. You know what? I’m going to let it slide, because I just love all of this so freaking much, I don’t care if it’s logical.
So it looks like the end of Squirrely. Turns out Crowley’s finder’s fee is the Blade. Sam is reluctant to hand it over, for good reason, and I’m sure it will come back to bite him in the ass later. (Also, Crowley calls it “the precious” again! \o/) Crowley, this is the face of someone who’s going to kill you the next time he sees you.
Cut to Crowley, sitting sadly alone at the bar, drinking the same drink Dean ordered for him earlier, and looking at this. Squirrely!!!
Sam and Dean are in the Impala – Dean handcuffed in the back seat, Sam driving. It’s full of fast food wrappers, which disgusts Sam, and Dean explains that it’s just a car.
“You really have gone dark.”
“You have no idea.”
But Sam doesn’t think he’s gone all the way dark. He points out that Dean took mercy on angry little Cole, that he could have killed him but he didn’t. And Dean explains that it wasn’t mercy at all, that it was the worst possible thing he could have done to him. “And what I’m going to do to you, Sammy, well that ain’t gonna be mercy either.” <- OH. MY. GOD.
Look at his face. This is Dean talking about how Cole’s going to have to live with that failure for the rest of his life. Thinking about whatever horrible thing he has planned for his little brother. He’s enjoying it. I think this is what his victims saw in Hell, right before he peeled their skin off.
Things I loved
What, was I too subtle? Demon!Dean. Sam. Squirrely.
Things I could have used less of
Angel drama. Logic holes.
How did Castiel pay for the car to be repaired?
What kind of monster was Cole’s father? Something that could be killed by having its throat cut with an ordinary knife? Or was it a silver knife? And why did Dean walk away from 13-year-old Cole and let him think his innocent father had been murdered instead of telling him what was going on?
What did Crowley have to share with Dean?
Did Cole really let Sam escape? Or is he just trying to look like that was part of the plan?
Now that we know Cole’s connection to Dean, I’m curious about Mrs. Cole’s reaction. She was really emotional when he got the fax identifying Dean, and I thought maybe she had some connection to whatever Dean had done to get on Cole’s angry little list. But there’s no reason to think she even knew Cole when his father was killed, so it’s not bringing back any emotional memories for her. I think she was upset because she knew it would send angry little Cole on his angry little obsessed odyssey. Like maybe she doesn’t support it.
I’m unspoiled and haven’t watched the preview (and oh god, it was hard) so please help me stay that way.